Work is not always compatible with life. Life events can be so all-encompassing that our focus, energy or ability to cope is impacted, and, in turn, it can affect how well we do our jobs. Despite appearances, there isn’t one person who can claim they haven’t once struggled at work because of something outside of it, but a sense of professionalism often prevents us from creating holistically supportive environments at work.

Many of us will have taken a wellbeing day at some point, but this isn’t always an option, especially when navigating events for days, weeks or even months. Although it’s hard to put stats against the impact of these moments on work, research suggests that productivity can be reduced by 20% for up to a year following a divorce, whilst 85% of workers will find their jobs impacted by grief at some point, often for considerable periods of time.

Last week, I spoke to four friends who had to show up on screen or in the office despite navigating traumas outside of it. All felt guilty for not being able to give work their all, despite navigating situations that were entirely out of their control.

So, what should you do when you find it hard to get on with the day job because of something else happening in your life? Here are three tips for navigating the responsibility (or banality) of work when life becomes your main concern.

• Rather than struggling through the day or week, acknowledge what you do have the bandwidth to do and plan accordingly. Stress is exacerbated when we feel like we let others down or do a bad job, so taking a moment to make a plan for what you can deliver before it’s too late really helps. Look through your diary or to-do list and reprioritise, so if you can only deliver a quarter of what you would usually do, let that make the most impact. Cancel any meetings that can wait and postpone any extra-curricular responsibilities. Creating control within work when the rest of life feels out of control really helps.
• Being honest with a manager, an HR colleague or a senior lead can be transformative. Most workplaces have wellbeing schemes in place or ways to offer workarounds, extend deadlines or support where it is needed, and most managers have enough empathy to want to help someone who is struggling. Transparency is especially important if you can see that you are not doing a good enough job. Don’t wait to be asked if everything is OK because that usually means it’s obvious it’s not, either in your work or behaviour. It’s important to take the lead.
• After one very traumatic life event, I found telling my colleagues how I needed them to behave towards me really helped. I knew I could get through the day and probably do a good job if no one was too sympathetic, so I asked everyone not to ask me how I was, not to look at me sadly or to treat me any differently than before. Then I asked two friends to actively be lighthearted and jokey with me, as normal, and for their support – discreetly – if I wasn’t coping and needed a chat. I knew everyone wanted to help, and that was the biggest gift they could have given me – the space to be the person I was outside of my trauma. You might find it better to be open or share how you’re feeling, but people often don’t know what to do for the best, and although intentions can be good, the result can be bad. Being clear about what you need, so everyone gets it right, really helps.

Finally, remember you are not alone. We all experience these moments, even if you can’t see it in others. Being human means being fallible and emotional; it’s what makes us so brilliant to work with in the first place, and it is this resilience to rebuild when life gets hard and to learn from what has happened that helps us come back to take on another day.